Read on to find out 10 types of women that are easy targets for an emotionally abusive man. For one, a strong woman can take care of him. Because despite macho appearances and charismatic first impressions, a narcissist needs a lot of care!
Two, narcissists take special pleasure in destroying a strong woman. They are disturbed, violent, exploitative individuals who get off on a sense of power over someone else. And for a good reason. An empath, who is used to sacrificing her own needs for others, is a natural fit for a narcissist, who is used to putting his own needs first.
She will be attentive, compassionate, and understanding of him. And she will stroke his ego and make herself small to make him feel big. Chameleon Chloe has no clear sense of self, no passions, no strong beliefs. The narcissists dig that type of woman. Unfortunately, many women struggle with identity issues. Historically speaking, men had been defining women for thousands of years.
So now that we almost have the freedom to be whoever we want to be, we can be struck by identity paralysis, and continue to seek guidance from the men in our lives. We just have to continue working through our generational trauma of being subjugated, dominated, and often persecuted for being ourselves and speaking our truth. Loyal Laura is loyal to a fault.
The narcissist will also demand that you prove your loyalty over and over. Those displays will require you to repeatedly choose between the narcissist and other people. Don't make the mistake of ignoring this crucial red flag. It's easy to allow yourself to be infatuated after the first date, especially when you are dating a narcissist they're so attractive and charming at first! Even though it typically takes some time for a narcissist to reveal his true colors, there are some subtle signs that you can look out for on a first date to help you steer clear of the second.
Look past the "love bombing" and the overwhelming flattery and ask the following questions:. If it's a resounding "yes" to one or more of these, it's a sign he does not deserve a second date, even if it occurred at a Michelin-starred restaurant.
Find out what's attractive to self-assured, well-adjusted men. Take it from a professional, and establish these boundaries. Curious about the matchmaking trend?
Home Relationships. Do any of these sound like you? I need to work myself out of the funk, soon! Can you please send me the link of the paragraph you referred to. Thanks a bunch!!! My ex fiancee is classic passive aggressive without knowing it and what astounds me is that these narcissistic people have these traits seemingly innate. My female narcissist partner was wrecking my health taunting me with cruel texts about pulling men in nightclubs , twisting round everything I said, and taking advantage of men although I am not 20 years older than her to worship her.
She loved the power she had over us all and I pity the next victim. To retain my sanity I had to end it and in just over 18 months she was hinting at getting engaged after about 2 or 3 weeks, classic narcissist again , we did : all fool me I had gone from confident and outgoing to internally a destroyed and broken man. No more will she control me and I will never put up with this behaviour from another woman. I should have stuck to my gut feeling and ended it after the first 2 months she presssed the right buttons so to speak and begged me to take her back.
Then a never ending cycle began : rinse-wash-repeat. Nearly put me in a grave. Never again. I was married for 20 years to a narc man. I freed myself several years ago, and then read everything I could about the illness. One shattering thing they tend to do— and what was done to me—is that a narc will pick a person who has attributes they secretly envy and want for themselves.
I was intelligent, tall and very good-looking, and the way my family lived made it look as though we were rich. None of this mattered to me, I had low self-esteem and narc parents.
I was also very naive. How I wish I could turn back time. This man wished for the things I had growing up —as HE saw them. He grew up poor, 7 years older than me and a custodian. Not true, because of my self-esteem. I ended up just feeling bad that his esteem was so low. So he finished his demolition work and destroyed me, as I no longer fed his narc food anymore. I ended up pithed, scooped out like a melon. I no longer had friends. I lost most my teeth because he denied me dental care— even when I carried the insurance!
And yet I was a trophy for him to show off This is my gorgeous, talented, father-is-a novelist and art collector-wife! All that time, too, he had been cheating and doing really awful stuff.
They take, then discard. If ever you have doubts about a partner, and they are not taken seriously. If you see flashes of extreme envy toward yourself especially! If your achievements are not really celebrated.
If you are cut down while the other is raised up. When you wonder why this person loves, or even likes, you. They seem to have no sense of shame, and force things to go their way. When there is anything hidden, like finances. Run away, as fast as you can. Your life will be strangled, your gifts and true goodness warped or lost. Your sense of direction, your moral compass, your vision of the world—skewed, smashed.
I was scared for my life, as were my siblings. His assault landed him in court, where I had to testify while he stared me down with the most evil look.
A 2 year restraining order, and some assault charge that carried no jail time, was put on him. He stopped pursuing me. After that, I saw him only from afar, a few times, for those two years— but I always looked over my shoulder, I was afraid to go to the city where he had told people I had narced on them turned out that was a lie, and many of those people actually liked me and felt really sorry for me!
For two years I struggled to get some life back. He immediately moved a lover I knew nothing about into my house and onto my dirty sheets and used towels! At the end of those two years, to the very date, he showed up at my work, all sentimental smiles and flowers! I almost fainted. I told him no, and never to bother me. But he kept popping up, acting all nice and— I realized his narcissism could not bear to have me in the world, hating him. These people are so dangerous. He once gloated over me, while we were divorcing, that I had been so easy to deceive the whole thing is your fault, he said, because you were so easy to manipulate.
These people are killers, too. I have one friend who died suddenly, and I knew her husband was a narcissist. He sold her car and most of her stuff before the funeral cremation had a new girlfriend really, a lover from his office in the house in a month.
Moved to a new state far off in 5 months. My friend had some medical problems but— no autopsy. That could have been me, or you. I really think he killed her. I think that is a true risk with these people. Leave them alone!
They can be so enchanting, charming, almost addictive—as my ex was. Watch yourself while you are with them, then when you leave them— if they are not done with you yet, and you decide to leave, they will be absolutely wounded, and a narcissist is capable of things you would not even think of.
I think you covered the nearly exact version of my husband and me — with the exceptions my husband was a very good looking underachiever from a broken home — what my friends called a loser but whom I thought was capable of everything he said he wanted. I am 61 and abandoned after 23 years — and yes, he says I was just stupid to believe him — they do not have the same values and they will leave you for dead — because you being alive is just one more proof they arent what they say they are.
Not be treated like they are diseased serial killers. Dont run from someone you are in love with, help them through it. I am divorced. And entered myself into therapy through an anger management program after my divorce left me feeling betrayed and unable to consider why my wife of 5 years and 2 daughters could possibly do what she did to me.
I learned that I suffer from narcissistic behavior, and that I was torturing her. And a woman, even a good one can only handle so much. I have learned a great deal about myself since that time. Dedicated to staying sober and celibate I began my journey to correct my behavior. Now 10 years later, I have found myself in a wonderful relationship with the most amazing woman I have ever met.
We have many differences yet we have managed to have an amazing relationship. And now with a recent promotion at a new job, we spend less and less time together and I have noticed an increase in alcohol use.
We have an increasingly difficult time communicating and I am so afraid that my behavior is becoming tortuous to her. She suffers herself from depression issues and she is also divorced. She has been off her medication for more than a year. We have both agreed that we need to see a therapist.
However the financial stresses of life make that a difficult choice. My income is so tight due to child support and ex house payments.
Yet I am aware of my behavior and find it difficult to constantly monitor. It is very difficult living as a narcissist. It took 15 weeks of therapy just to accept that this is a reality of myself.
I really want to do this right. I do not wish to torture my mate. And find it increasingly difficult to bite my tongue and just listen. The frustration is that it seems like I am the only one that does listen. I have a very good relationship with my 2 girls, but for how long if my behavior is not corrected. I am doing my very best in finding outlets to my behavioral disorder. However working around the clock and only seeing my lady in passing through the week is challenging.
I have a history in substance abuse.. In my childhood I had a wonderful family. My little sister has a wonderful husband. My mother passed away at the age of My father is a pilot and flies all over the world. I am so proud to call him dad. Yet I am the black sheep. I moved out of my parents house when I was 16, married at 19, and divorced at Now 32 with 13 and 11 year old daughters that live more than an hour away, I am finding myself falling back into the same patterns.
Hi Margaret, If I can give you any advice after the last 9 months of being with a narcisist that I loved dearly is. I have studied this now, spoken to many people. The the narcissist is not going to help you. You can only help yourself. I met a woman through friends who I feel in love with. The first real love connection since my divorce 4 years ago. This woman is one of the most attractive and intelligent women I have ever met. I would have children with her. She told me that she loved me but.
I have never felt so alone as when I was with her. I couldnt understand how this person could say she loved me yet act in the reverse. I had to look at what she did not what she said. So always seeking the attention of men it was embarrassing. As of I was not there. When it was in her interest, she would considered and loving, when we had no plans, I could get no attention from her. For my own sanity I had to leave. Constantly on Facebook posting photos and looking for attention.
Rated how well get life was going by the number of likes. In the end I found her on to website that sought financial arrangements for love. She blamed me that I was not giving her enough attention. My daughters could not understand why a grown up would behave the way she did. In the end my eldest daughter would joke. Walk away from someone who in done ways was so beautiful but in others so ugly and hurtful.
She will not change. She will continue to hurry the next man and the next and the next. Confirmation for me was that the day we broke up, she went out that night and smeared herself all over Facebook with another man and disgusting comments of what they may have got up to. I did not see them and the next night she claimed she was ill and she asked me to come over and stay the night so she had company.
She had no words but just blame. Very sad. Broke my heart. But do much for the best. It hurts today still at the moment. She was mentally ill. I deserve to be happy as well. You must leave and find happiness. I was married to a Narc who was 15 years younger than me. I met her when I was She was very attractive and following a whirl wind romance, we got married six months after we met.
This was crazy behaviour but I had fallen completely in love with her and she told me that she loved me also. It took me about 2 months to realise that things were not right. Her behaviour was really odd — always seeking the limelight and on a high one moment and crying with despair the next.
She was manipulative and Had a massive sense of her own self importance. We had three beautiful daughters who are the love of my life.
I provided my wife with everything that she wanted but in the end we split in very acrimonious circumstance and I have not spoken to her for 5 years. I was completely outclassed in deception and it is with some regret that I know it will never happen again. My life was nearly destroyed by this narcisicist but I managed to break free and I can now look ahead with a degree of confidence about my future.
I think i may have just been in a relationship with one. I would like to talk to someone who knows more about this because i have never experienced anything like it until now. My girlfriend went out to run an errand on July 22nd and just now messaged me, she only wants her clothes back. Nothing more said. Is this at all a good idea, or will this just give her another reason to keep jumping into my life as pleases?
I am planning on leaving the state any day now, I need distance and reduced access to lick my wounds. I am so sorry to hear about your situation. Rita of Cascia endured years of abuse. I will keep you in my prayers and remember, none of this will matter in years time! Pray for me too please James. I am a Christian married to someone I suspect is a narcissist. In short: Get out!! Read up on narcissism.
I was once in your position. I started my blog to help people like you NOT have to go through what I did!!! Margaret, leave the relationship. The sooner the better. But it is not real, or healthy by any means. I have been going through this for 16 years never married and always tried to fixed the problem.
Even though its hard!!! I have to do it for my son…all the best! It would be helpful to learn why you ended up in such relationship, to understand your own issues. This knowledge will be helpful in your healing. There is plenty of info on internet. But I ted to over analyze details to be able to apply them. Can someone please help me identify my personal behaviors. I find the description to vague , great deal possible the denial side is in high gear here. I also dated one before him.
I just wanted to say…. There is nothing there. We had relationship problems mainly with the red flags I was seeing. My observations of her behavior led me to believe she was cheating. She ultimately lead me to believe I was crazy and put me on a massive guilt trip for having called her on my suspicions.
In all of this she made it about her putting on a big show about how much pain she was in due to me accusing her of cheating. It was really pretty weird cause if you think about it, if your partner accuses you of cheating, and you are not, and they are clearly certain that you are… based on their obvious mental state….
Instead she made it all about her, with a total inability to be compassionate and put herself in my shoes, to share my feelings and my hurt. I went on this torrential reading spree devouring every self help book I could get to try to understand and find center, regain my reason and wait for it???
Try to fix the situation. I was excited by the prospect of us working through the methods together to improve our relationship!!! She showed little interest. Now to address what another said earlier, being in this relationship is a very lonely situation. She tells me she loves me in monotone with no visible emotion and yet the elephant in the room is her complete emotional unavailability! Did I mention the passive aggession and the silent treatment? The punishment? Half truths..
Gaslighting even.. Magical thinking? Acts different at home and out in the world… constantly worried about her image. In case of confusion about my post above.
I end up questioning in my own mind everything she says, not actually physically questioning her cause that would create a war zone here. See if you can get into therapy with someone good. Nicole, your post was a long time ago but for anyone wondering if you yourself are a narcissist just take this survey. I can totally empathise with your experiences and I believe the comment about taking responsibility is very accurate.
I too have experienced narc relationships. My father is narc and very adept at making you feel responsible. I played this role for many years as did my mother.
When I challenged it I was cut off ignored. My siblings have spent too long with my father and have adopted the same patterns, so I have withdrawn, which has been my saving grace.
Be assured your ex will look for someone she can control as thats her modus operandi, yours has been the rescuer cos thats been yours. All the best for a happy future. Dee, i have a question for you, since your father is a narc like you posted in your post, I have a friend that his mother seems to be one, and is very upset with me, and tells everyone that our relationship is not approved of by her, because its unhealthy.
The only unhealthy part is when she is continuously yelling and screaming at one or both of us. He is a very very kind person, but he has this person, that will track him down, if he is not where he said he was going to be, or if he said something positive about me, she would come over and raise hell, I am not sure if i should continue to wait for him, or just let him go, my heart says to wait, but my head says to give up.
I am having a very hard time with this because of how close we have got, and all of a sudden one day he is not around anymore, and after every fight that his mom has put towards me and him, he has continued to tell me its not my fault, and to stay positive, and take care of myself, but yet I am worried sick about him, and his children, because I know way to much, that everyone in his family is denying the fact that I am right and she is wrong.
Can you please help me? I was with a narcissistic man and could use people to reach out to. Please and thanks. I imagine our experience was similar. Love and light to you and everyone on here who has been through narcissistic abuse. Hello — I wanted to add to the above note. The website mentioned above has been tremendously helpful in giving me the knowledge and strength to leave the abusive narssistic man I have been involved with for almost 10 years.
He is always right never wrong. My needs have never been met. He changed and started following a African religion, turned into a vegan, anything I say have no meaning since he changed. He gets a rise out of defending the mother of his son, and talking to other women on facebook saying he can do what he wants.
If I mention the women or his ex he protects them by making me feel like they are better than me. He may be pushing me away, because everything we had in common when we were married has gone. He stays on facebook morning to night, and does not have any kind of real conversation or communication with me.
Then he told one of those facebook females that he blocked me from his page, so she could continue stimulating his intellect. All in all, I live here with him and I have never felt so alone.
I want nothing from him. I could have written exactly what you wrote! I just broke it off with a man who did almost EXACTLY the same thing… starting with how he gets a rise out of defending an ex… and talking to other women on facebook saying he can do what he wants….
I am rid of him!!! It does not change!!! It does not change. My spirit of fear, doubt, insecurities and judgement of others attracted this type of individual. I was the perfect supply. When I began to love myself fully I was no longer fearful of the disrespect. The belittlement came stronger because they had to get me back to where I was.
If you think on it…you probably know nothing about them personally other than how everyone disprespects them. They fall apart with any input that questions their knowledge. Just believe me…until they are tired of changing partners and running from the truth, they will not change. I was married for 14 years to an NPD. The reason Jeff went back, the reason people feel like helping NPDs is called codependency.
You need to understand exactly why each of you has gotten into these relationships. You all had an agenda… maybe it was to fill a void in your own lives.
Dig deep, uncomfortably deep within yourself and the answers are there. Also look up co-morbidity definition. Wish you all luck, your answers are there, I promise you. Yea I realize melvin g. Is not worth it. Any of these can contribute to emotional distress and other mental health symptoms, including depression. That said, support from a therapist can go a long way toward helping you address these signs and behaviors. A partner with traits of narcissism may not always feel motivated to change any of their behaviors, so they might continue showing little interest in your sexual needs and desires.
Crystal Raypole has previously worked as a writer and editor for GoodTherapy. Her fields of interest include Asian languages and literature, Japanese translation, cooking, natural sciences, sex positivity, and mental health. Whether you're involved with someone who shows signs of sexual narcissism or re-evaluating your own ideas around sex, we've got answers to your…. The idea of toxic relationships gets thrown around a lot, but what actually makes a relationship toxic?
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